Resolution Time

Well it is about the start of a new year and that of course brings about New Year resolutions. I am not the biggest fan of resolutions, just because I think it tends to bring on more stress and disappointment then any real joy or peace. I am however a fan of looking over the past year and to see where I am at now compared to just a year ago. The last few years I have really been focusing on my spiritual growth, not so much my physical growth. I used to make lofty goals of reading the Bible in one year, I started out strong and might make it to Leviticus before I crashed and burned and felt a huge disappointment in myself, and it left me feeling like I HAD to read the bible, just to get through it, not because I WANTED to read it and apply it to my life. So I started to change my goals and realized that an overall growth would be better then just trying something for a year. First step was devotional time. Another area where I would go well for awhile, then crash and burn by March.Well my life changed last year, and I came to realize that God does not expect me to have devotional time with him or read the Bible because it is expected of me, He wants me to because he wants to spend time with me, and my devotional time went from being a chore to being something I could look forward to, like having a good talk with a friend, and although I would like to spend more time with my "friend", I dont need to put it on a "to do" list.
So for this year my resolution is to be more opened to the Holy Spirit's guidance and direction in my life. I want to be more open to Him, to wherever he calls me. I have been feeling lost and tossled around by the "have tos". After leaving our last church, I feel a little lost in what I am called to do. I keep feeling like I should be doing this or that, because I am "called to", but I am slowly realizing that I need to listen to the Holy Spirit and not man's guilt put on me.
So there it is my goal for the next year................. and maybe to lose ten pounds. :)

Jurassic Park

Yesterday our family went to the Bishop Museum down in Honolulu. They have a big dinosaur exhibit that I knew the kids would enjoy. As we were walking to the museum from our van, Jessica came up next to me and wanted to walk with me ; here is the conversation that soon followed........

Jessica: "They're only fake dinosaurs, right mom?"
Me: " I dont know we will have to wait and see."
Jessica "Dinosaurs are not alive anymore they are extinct."
Me: " Have you not seen Jurassic Park?"
Jessica: " Yes"
Me : "Well those are dinosaurs, and Jurassic Park is based on a true story."
Jessica: "I know that is true, I meant here in Hawaii."
Me: " Well we are on an island, so there must be a good chance that they are living here too. "
Jessica: " Ohhh"


Derek and I thought it was so cute and funny that Jessica really believes that Jurassic park is a real place somewhere. Oh my kids are going to be so confused when they grow up!

kids say the darndest things

My little JoJo came to me the other day and was holding a Barbie. He asked if I could take off her pants. I said "okay". Was thinking to myself "oh isn't that cute he wants to play with his sisters." Then he asked if I could take off her shirt. I started to hesitate, but figured "oh he must want to change her clothes". As I was handing the barbie back to him I asked if he was indeed changing her clothes. He replied "no" and turned to walk away, but I was able to see him smile ,and heard him slyly say "naakkkeedd". I guess I better go hide the barbies now.

Pot calling the kettle....

While I was walking Matthias to his Speech class at the nearby school, I overheard the recess leader yell at the kids ...... "No playing with balls or hula hoops today!" "NO RUNNING!!" " You guys can just stand and talk to your friends." I was grumbling to myself how crappy recess must be to just stand around and not be able to do anything because it was sprinkling a little. Then God had to point something out to me; I had told my other kids at home before I left that they could have recess inside and watch Dora and eat some halloween candy. So I had to realize that at least these kids were outside in some fresh air, while mine were munching and crunching on candy. Yeah no awards that day for homeschooling. :)

society pressures

I have noticed lately that there is starting to be a seperation between my daughters whom I homeschool and the daughter that goes to public school. My children who stay home with me, have really stopped worrying about what they wear. (In fact I sometimes have to force them out of their pajamas before they start school.) And my daughter who spends at least an hour in the bathroom a day to primp herself. She has also started using the word "popular" excessively. Like " ...she is popular" " ....that is not popular". It has slowly been evolving. Last week I was informed that barbies and ponies, were now "boring" and she never wanted to play with them again. Where as my other two girls were very excited to receive her castoffs and have played many hours with them thus far. I know you are saying " well she is just growing up...." or "that is just her...." Now I would agree to a point, yes we all grow out of our childish behaviours, and eventually cast aside our toys and dolls, that happens. I am just questioning why now, when only two months ago she played with them everyday for hours, wouldnt let anyone near them, now to be told she "never" wants to play with them. I am feeling it is the societies pressure on children, especially in those middle school years. Where girls are told to "grow up" , "you are almost an adult". And to some degree I agree actually with that. Preteens, are often spoiled brats who whine like babies and sit around watching tv and playing video games for hours upon hours. We tend to coddle them, and then in a few years are shocked that they arent anywhere close to fully functioning on their own. What saddens me though, is that children feel such a need to fit in, that they throw away things that they enjoy and actually have fun doing. Jessica has always been the girly girl. She likes girly things, she loves to accessorize, and loves new clothes. I appreciate that about her, she is fun to shop with. I just feel sad that she feels pressure to fit in and be "cool", where as my daughters arent feeling that sort of pressure during their days. I want to say "you dont have to grow up yet." "Mom is still here to care for you!!" My kids need to stop growing that is all I have to say. :)

Cartoon confusion

With the many hours of mind numbing cartoons I have been forced to endure over the years, I have drawn some conclusions.......

1. CPS should be over at Dora's parents house for child neglect and endangerment. She is constantly going into dangerous situations with just a monkey to help her!! If I allowed my little ones outside with just our bunny to help them, I would be considered a bad mother. Or at least on the same level as "Octomom".

2. Why does spongebob and Patrick not know how to swim, when they in fact live in the ocean?

3. Is it just me, or does Caillou need a good spanking every now and then?

4.The premise of the Diego show is to go up to wild animals and try to save them. Diego is in fact Dora's cousin, so once again there is a child running around with wild animals and no grown ups to be seen. Also, his best friend is a jaguar. Enough said.

5. Sesame Street still runs some of the same segments as when I was a child. I love the nostalgia.

6. Still trying to figure out the fact that the voice of Elmo is done by a black man.

7.Handy Manny seems politically incorrect to me. A mexican who fixes things. Hmm, maybe they can have an episode where he learns to jump fences.

8. Yo Gabba Gabba..... won't even go there....

9. Disney Mickey Mouse Playhouse, if offensive to the original Mickey Mouse cartoons, angers me everytime I catch a glimpse of it. Pete as Mickey's friend? I think not.

10.Curious George is a bad, bad little monkey. Would you say that a child was curious if it came in your house and made a huge mess? And isnt it rude to leave your monkey wandering around the city?

By now you are thinking that I seriously need to get a life, which I say -"yes please". I have gotten to the point in my life that I have to Netflix any movie or show I want to watch that might be rated higher then "G". I must confess though, I do enjoy cartoons sometimes. Spongebob cracks me up, I get excited when I see a new episode. I also have to confess, I use my children as an excuse to watch cartoons sometimes.
That feels better to get that off my chest, you now know one reason why I have so many kids... It covers up me looking so silly acting like a child.
"Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?......." Oh, better go!!

Snorking

Derek and I went out the other night to see a movie and have some frozen yogurt. Yeah for date night!! When we got home I knew that there would be a Josiah either in our bed, or waiting in his bed to get me when I walked up the stairs, well in this case it was the later. He climbed out of his bed as soon as my foot hit the top stair. I told him that he should go back and sleep in his bed, but he informed me that it was "too scary". "Too scary?" I asked. "Yes" he said, "my legs say it is too scary." Well I didnt know that JoJo's legs talked to him, but I guess in this case, they informed him it was too scary to sleep in his bed. I told him it wasn't scary, but he then informed me "Thias snorking is really annoying." "Snorking?" "Yes, snorking?" At this point I burst out laughing when I realized that JoJo was upset with Matthias SNORING!!! hahahaha!!!! Well I could not argue with that cuteness, and proceeded to put him snuggly into bed next to me. How can someone possibly say no to that? :)

Pearls of Wisdom

This was my devotional today, and I thought it was so unbelievably perfect to what I have been dealing with lately.....
Wholeness from God's perspective is to be complete; to know with the deep assurance that we are beloved by God with an everlasting, infinite, and unconditional love;..... to claim God's promises that we are victors through Christ Jesus over every negative situation and circumstance; and to be able to stand up to the enemy of our souls regardless of what the devil may throw at us. Wholeness is the work that God does in us with a twofold purpose: that we might be sound in spirit, mind, and emotions and that we might influence others to accept God's love, forgiveness, and plan.

About time

Well it has been awhile I see since I have blogged. I have lots to say, just little patience to do it. I am definetly the type of person that likes to keep things bottled up until I explode, or have a meltdown. I officially had one last weekend, so now that I am drained, I guess now would be a good time to start over and blog once again.
To start off with, I dont really want to talk much about the last couple of months, not the best months of my life, and I was informed by someone today, that I whine too much. Which I never thought I did, I tend to put on my happy face, and move on, but it hurt me deeply, and now I feel a little guarded by what I should now bitch and moan about.
As you can see I am still a little sore and hurt from everything, so I might come off as a wounded Bear (which is what I am. :) ) So I am sorry if I have said or done anything that might have seemed judgmental or selfish. I know I can be at times both, I usually admit to such things. I never want to be the last to know what is wrong with me, I like to do the Jennifer bashing first. But I found it funny this week that I was told I was a "miss goody two shoes", and also a "whiner". How can I be both? Who knows, I am human people, and although I try to be the best I can be, I do fall horribly short on almost each and every day. I guess if you love me you should just accept that.
Anywho, moving on...... the summer was a bummer in many ways. (which I will not get into, as I stated earlier). But I am looking forward to the fall, well the fall that happens in the mainland, although we really wont see one here. JoJo's birthday is around the corner, homeschool is moving along, halloween costumes are being planned, drooling over thanksgiving meal already starting. :) I am happy that God has blessed me greatly, even if sometimes I dont see the blessing through the pain.
I hope that I will continue to blog, it does feel better to dump all my crap on my computer. (figuratively, not literally) I do feel better now, thanks for reading my ramblings, even if you skipped the middle part. ha!! :)

Memory loss

I am starting to wonder if my older girls are suffering from memory loss. It seems like in the past few weeks they have forgotten every rule or guideline they have had to live with for the past 6-7 years. I am constantly saying " You know you are not supposed to do that!" " Dont you remember the rule?" I feel like I am having to re-teach them everything!! I guess it is the preteen thing, but seriously, retain something in your brain for petes sake!!

In the ghetto

I have heard of the show "Dog the Bounty Hunter", but never saw it until yesterday. I became curious about the show after people told me that they lived on the Island of Oahu, so I was interested in seeing if I could recognize some of the places. I tuned in yesterday and they were catching a fugitive that lived in the town next to us, right by our church! I knew that area was not the best, but then Beth , Dog;s wife said that road next to it was one of the worst on the island for drug use, I had just gone there that day and took the kids out!! We have always madethe joke that we live in the ghetto, but after seeing the show, I guess we really do!!

Possibly

I was so sick last week!! I woke up on Sunday morning feeling sick, I thought I could fight it off, and I would feel better during church~ I didnt. I came home and went straight to bed, and stayed there the rest of the week. I was so weak and had chills and/or sweats. On thursday I was worried that I was still sick, so I went to the ACC ~ which is like a prompt care clinic, I just wanted some medicine. I ended up getting the same doctor that completely misdiagnosed Laurelin when I brought her in for a chemical burn on her hip from a diaper, and he said it was a yeast infection. At this point I knew I was doomed. He said I had the flu, but said it wasnt the swine flu, how he knew this, I have no idea. I had a fever at the time and just wanted medicine so I could go home and sleep. I got my bag full of medicines and went home. The next day I was starting to feel better, but it made me wonder. How did he know i didnt have the swine flu? I had almost all the symptoms, and the only way you can know for sure is with a test. So I might have been the next victim of swine flu, thankfully noone in my family got sick, that I am truly thankful for. Military doctors, great medical healers~ not.

A success!!

Yesterday we celebrated Sarah's 10th birthday, and I must say I believe it to be a success!!
We rented a pontoon boat to take around Kaneohe Bay for four hours, and docking at the sand bar that is out there for us to snorkel or swim, or just walk around. I prayed all week that the day would be nice, i was worried about taking all the kids out on a boat when it is raining and cold. Well we woke up yesterday morning to clear blue skies, and warm weather!! God answered my prayer even more then what i had hoped for. The kids loved going on the boat! They were so excited and amazed. We parked on the sandbar, and the kids had fun exploring the area, and jumping off the boat into the water. Derek got to go snorkeling around and I had fun exploring and swimming. After we were done on the sandbar we drove around the bay and headed back. We couldnt believe how fast the four hours went.
Yesterday evening Sarah got to have two friends come over and spend the night,and got to open her presents and have cake. I think the day was a total success!!

Sex Education

Well I got the dreaded permission slip the other day. The fifth grade Sex Education form. How can any of my children be ready to learn about sex?!! Arent they still in the phase of "boys have cooties"? Honestly though, I am not that much in denial about my children. I know they are reaching the age where they are curious about those types of things. My two oldest are starting the first steps of puberty. (Scary!!!) I have had "thee talk" with my oldest Katie, but with Jessica I have waited. She is the type of child that gets overwhelmed and confused quickly, and I worried that she would not be able to comprehend those type of things. When she handed me the form to sign, she honestly didnt know what it was for. The word "sex" really means little to her. She was curious about having a period, but was confused when I started to explain it, and then asked " do boys have periods?" ha!! I wish!! Ultimately I did sign the slip for her to take the health class. I thought it would be good for her to learn about her body, and understand what will be happening to her as she grows. I thought they might explain things better then I could, or at least give her an idea so she can ask me. I will talk more about it with her. But honestly, how did all this happen so quickly?!! It seems like only yesterday that they thought babies come out of our belly buttons!! Next thing we need to do though~ Derek needs to buy a gun. :)

Easy Peasy

Last night our pastor and his wife offered to take three of our children for the night. So that left us with just three kids. We (or I should say I) thought it would be fun to have an evening at the beach with a picnic dinner. After dropping the three kids off, we headed out. We ended up at one of our favorite beaches in Hale'iwa. (Think 'Lost') It was such an amazing evening!! I got to go snorkeling, and found some fish, and a sea turtle!! I was so close to it, but I looked up to tell Derek and the kids that there was a turtle, that by the time I looked back down I couldnt find the turtle. Sarah and Matthias had fun playing in the surf. A good amount of waves, but not too rough to knock them under. Laurelin had fun playing in the sand and going in the water with momma. Derek spent most of his time snorkeling, he was able to find the turtle again and was able to swim with it. And he found some big fish that went swimming by his head, and some blowfish. I wanted to stay until sunset, but the kids got pretty tired, so we headed home to have some treats and watch a movie. I must say it is much easier to have just three then six. I was much more calm and relaxed. But I miss my others, and cant wait to see them at church. It was a nice break to spend more quality time with just hte three.

Belly button whoas

Derek has been having pain in his belly button area for the last few weeks, last week he went to the doctors to see if they could figure out what the problem could be. After having blood work done and some xrays, we went home and waited for the results. And of course we heard nothing. The next day Derek called them, and they said they would have a doctor call him back when he read the results. We waited some more, finally the next day Derek went into the office, and waited for a doctor to read the results, well what would you know?! There was a problem on the xray and they feared he might have appendicites. So they told him he needed to rush to the hospital as quickly as he could. We rush down there, and wait, and wait, and wait. Finally they run a CT scan and rule out appendicites, and a hernia, which left them with the question "what is wrong?". A couple surgeons came in and checked him out and felt that the problem was he had a connection from his belly button to his bladder that never went away from when he was born, and felt that he could have surgery to remove it and he would be better. They felt an Urologist would be the best at performing the surgery. So this week we got in to see the urologist, and was told " I dont really see anything that could be the problem, and I dont want to rush into surgery if that wont solve the problem, so keep taking the pain medicine and come back in two weeks, and we will see what we should do then." What a great answer, huh? Thankfully Derek is feeling better, but we have no answer as to why he was in pain to begin with.

Verse for the day

"Be sure to do what you should,
for then you will enjoy the personal satisfaction
of having done your work well,
and you won’t need to compare yourself
to anyone else."
Galations 6:4

I was sent this verse today, and I thought it was great.

Birthday girl

April has come again, and that means planning for my daughter Sarah's birthday party. I dread this day. Sarah has always been a child who has felt that her birthday should be a national holiday, and I make the joke that the world was not created until Sarah was born- at least in her eyes. So I have this pressure to do something great for her birthday that will please her, and not break our budget or upstage our other children's birthdays. I spent the day looking online for places to have a birthday party. Good grief!!! The costs are outrageous!! I mean, I might consider it if she was my only child, but I have five other children, so I cant afford to go all out all the time. After hours of searching, and falling short of any great ideas, Derek came home for his lunch and told me we should rent a pontoon boat, that we can drive around the bay. We did this last week with our church, and it was so much fun!! You can drive around the bay, and park the boat on one of the sand barges, where you can walk out on the sand, and go snorkeling or swimming or jut play. I checked into getting a boating license, and it only costs $15, and to rent the boat for four hours, it costs $75. I am excited, should be a lot of fun, and not too stressful for me, but very memorable for her.

taking leave

Derek has been trying to take a two week vacation for when he gets back from Virginia, but for some reason he keeps getting denied. He put in his leave papers back in January, but was turned down, for no real explanation, and then a week later he was sent an email telling him that he should turn in his leave papers, but it would have to be in the time frame of when he was in Virginia!! Which of course was really annoying. So last month he was told he could try for leave again, now that he was taken off the Iraq roster. I took his papers down to the office, and handed it to the guy that is supposed to do all the paperwork, well it turns out he never gave it to the commanding officer to sign!! So I had to go down a couple days ago and deliver it personally to the person that was supposed to sign it. We were figuring it would be all settled and Derek could start his vacation on Monday. Derek was emailed yesterday that he had to take a "suicide prevention" class before they would allow leave, in fact were pulling some guys off their leave to take this class!! As if a few hours in a room full of other soldiers, would really prevent someone from committing suicide, and the fact that they are missing time with their loved ones to take the silly class, I think would only agitate them more!! So as it stands right now, maybe leave. Nice huh? We cant make any plans or anything because we have no clue if Derek will be off or not. You got to love government beuracracy at work.

A must read

My mother-in-law told me I should read this book called "The Shack". I was surprised she was so adamant for me to read it, but I said I would, and ultimately ordered it. Once i got it though I kind of put it off, and only read a little bit here and there. I finally told my mother-in-law I would read it this weekend. When I got home from church yesterday I decided I would lay down and read it. As I was reading it I cried and cried and cried. It was as if God was talking to my soul. I have never experienced anything like that before, it is the only time I have ever had something touch me so deeply. I dont know how to describe it via a blog, but I say everyone has to read this book.
I have loved God my whole life, I strive to be more like Christ daily, and daily I feel like a horrible failure. I have felt like i have been carrying all these burdens and respondsibilities with me, and I was too afraid to let go in fear of disappointing God. I had so many perceptions of what i was supposed to be doing or to be like, that I was missing out on so much of life. Derek would tell me constantly to relax, I took medicine to help me relax, but ultimately I was never relaxed, I always felt like I should do more, or something different. After last night I have come to see things clearly. I understand that God is proud of me, he accepts me for me, he already knows every failure and mistake I will make and loves me, so why should I try to be something else, when he loves me perfectly now?
God showed me last night what the heavy sadness I have carried since i was a small child. People have always said to me " I dont know how you took care of your brother, and went through all that. " And honestly I never knew what they were talking about, I chalked it up to it just being my life, and nothing was abnormal about it. but since I was a small child, I have carried that heavy sadness with me, which I have never let go. Last night I was able to let some of that go, I still have a ways yet, but I see now what others saw so clearly.
The only reason I am pouring my soul out right now, is to help others out. I think a lot of people struggle through alot of things similiar to me, and we are taught to hide these things, put on a happy face, and move on. I dont want that. I have always been open about things, but I was so blind!!
Anyone wanting a copy of that book, please tell me, I will send you a copy. Honest!!

Don't understand

One thing I dont understand about schools lately is that they actually have school days that say "Non-student day". So kids dont have school for that day!! How can you have a non-student day? Isnt school about students?!! I find this very irritating. I am sure they have a reason for these days, but I honestly can't say I ever had a "non-student" day. Of course now I sound like an old person with the "back in my day..." It is only the matter of time before I start those stories with my kids. I think it is in the parent handbook or something.

Change of heart

As stated earlier, I enjoy watching all the shows about families with big families. For a couple of reasons, I relate to alot of what they have going on with them, and I can sometimes come up with good ideas, or I feel really depressed that I could never measure up. I have always been against the thought of people filming our family, and the horror of actually people watching our life. I mean we have a great life, but would I want the whole world to see my melt downs? My unclean house? My children having tantrums? I think not. Well a few weeks ago I turned into the new episode of "John and Kate plus 8". They were moving into their new house, which was HUGE!!! They must be making alot of money from their show which would allow them to move to such a place, and I being a little jealous, thought "why cant we get that?" I am not asking for much mind you, I dont need a huge house, maybe a house on the beach would be okay, and honestly I would just settle to be debt free right about now. But then I think on the other side, would I really want my family to be exploited like that? Would I feel good knowing where this money was coming from? And I must say, I am quite happy with quiet exsistence, we dont need national fame to be happy. Besides I enjoy watching them far more then I would enjoy watching myself.

a conversation of neighbors

This is what I believe must have played out last night with my new neighbors.......

Setting:
Schofield Barracks, 6 infantry soldiers returning home from 15 months in Iraq. around 8:30pm


"Hey Bob you know what sounds really good?, some grilled food."
"Good thinking Fred" " you know what would be really cool? grilling in the house!!"
"That is a great idea, we could stay nice and warm in the house"
"Let's set up the charcoal grills, and douse them with a lot of gas so they get some good flames going."
"Bob you are a genius" "wow those flames are getting pretty high, but we are nice and protected in our covered porch"
"Fred, do you think the smoke is getting very thick?"
"No Bob, it just means it is time to grill"
"Can you see the kitchen from here?"

At this time their neighbor Jennifer looks out her window, and says "Oh my God!! What idiots!!!"and calls the police.

"Bob do you hear something?"

"You mean the air rushing out my ears?"

"No, not that Bob, sounds like a firetruck"

"Well Fred it is probably just some idiot who is about ready to burn their house down, doing something stupid:

"Thank goodness we are not that stupid, we are infantry after all, not some stupid engineer, oh wait maybe that is the other way around?"

The last thing that is heard is the knock, knock at the door.

Should we be worried?

Should we be worried about what might be heading our way? Oh I could be speaking of many of things, the recession, end times, war in Iraq, but no, none of those things worry me as much as my little one year old girl who seems to be developing a shoe obsession. she has had a love for shoes since she was just a baby, she loved grabbing shoes, pointing at shoes, and her love for them have grown, she has to wear everyone's shoes throughout the day, goes into closets to try them on. Always yells out "shoes, shoes!!!" when we are getting ready to go. And if we go to a shoe store WATCH OUT!! She is wanting to try on everything within her grasp. And yesterday when we were getting ready to go, she put on her own shoes on the correct feet. Why the worry? She is not even two!!! Should we start saving for her college education, or her shoe collection?

Such an important thing to remember!!

“Continue praying, keeping alert, and always thanking God.”Colossians 4:2

Two words summarize Christ’s opinion of worry: irrelevant and irreverent.

“Can all your worries add a single moment to your life? Of course not” (Matt. 6:27 NLT).
Worry is irrelevant. It altars nothing.
When was the last time you solved a problem by worrying about it? Imagine someone saying, “I got behind in my bills, so I resolved to worry my way out of debt. And, you know, it worked! A few sleepless nights, a day of puking and hand wringing. I yelled at my kids and took some pills, and—glory to worry—money appeared on my desk.”
It doesn’t happen! Worry changes nothing. You don’t add one day to your life or one bit of life to your day by worrying. Your anxiety earns you heartburn, nothing more…
Ninety-two percent of our worries are needless! Not only is worry irrelevant doing nothing; worry is irreverent, distrusting God.

Betcha didnt know....

One of the main reasons I wanted to visit the DC area again was to go to the Arlington Cemetery. I kicked myself for not going there when we actually lived there. So this was probably the last chance I would get to go, since I have very little desire to visit DC again. If you are curious why I wanted to go to Arlington Cemetery it is because my grandfather is buried there. He was actually a Medal of Honor winner. ( Highest military award you can receive). I knew this growing up, but honestly didnt see what the big deal was, it wasnt until I was older and was around military people that it made me realize it kinda was a big deal. I always impressed guys with my super connections. :) He passed away in 2000. I never really got to know him that well, just what I was told, and I am not sure how accurate that was. I often wish he was still around so I could ask him to use his influence to help Derek out of deployments, or to get him a good job. (Which I dont even know if he could, but it would have been cool). So I got my wish and got to go to Arlington to visit his grave site. I am glad I got to do it, it was a nice experience.

My husband

I had a great weekend with my husband, it was so nice to get away just the two of us. We sure missed our kids though. And everything we went to we thought how great it would have bee if they were with us. I guess that is the paradox. When we have our kids we always think " It would be nice to just have it the two of us" and then when the kids are gone we think "Wish the kids were here too." I never realized before what Derek does while he is away from his family. I pictured him hamming it up with the guys and relaxing in the peace and quiet, but in truth he is pretty lonely. A family man at heart, who only wishes to be with his wife and kids. Last year Derek spent 250 days away. That is a lot of time being away, and he worries about what lies ahead as far asdeployments. He is stuck in a job where he is one of the best at what he does, but means he gets picked first to go because he is good and everyone likes him. He just wants a nice 9 to 5 job. I felt so sorry for him, and wished I could take him back home with me. i miss my babies so much and I was only gone a few days, I cant imagine months. Please keep us in your prayers that God will be able to comfort DErek and show him he is on the right path.

Wouldn't ya know it?

Well of course it would happen, I will be leaving for Virginia tonight for the next few days- my first trip by myself since having kids. And wouldnt ya know it- my three little ones are sitting on the couch sick!!!! Why oh Lord WHY??!!! I was already trying not to panic about leaving my babies in the middle of the ocean, but then to leave them sick, oh dear. :( Let me clarify the sickness, Matthias has a really bad chest cold, Laurelin has a cough, and Josiah has a small fever with a cough. I know it is not life threatening, but still, I will be close to 5,000 miles away!! So I am sitting here, freaking out, thinking the worst, when in truth by tomorrow they will be playing and having a great time, while I am panicing on the plane to Washington DC. Children, I swear they are doing this to me on purpose. :)

God knows

It amazes me sometimes to see how God directs us, and leads us when we have no clue why. Last week Derek kept calling and telling me I should fly out to Virginia for the weekend, just to get away and spend some time together. I said "no way, we have no money". Well I looked into our checking account and saw we had more money then I thought ( for the record I tend to not look into our account, in fear of what I might find :)) . And then I said " no I cant go because it wouldnt be very nice for my parents to come over and visit us, to have me take off. but when I talked to my mom she said I should go, and they would love to watch the kids. So now I was running out of excuses, so I looked online for flights and found one that I thought would be good, and I called Derek , but he said that time wouldnt work well for him because I would have to take a taxi to the airport, which I didnt want to do, so I thought it is just not meant to be. Well after I prayed some more, and more, i went back online and checked one more time, and what would you know : There was a flight that wasnt on there earlier, leaving at the time that would work!! So after that I figured God was telling me to do it, and I ran out of excuses. Well as stated earlier last week was a nightmare!!! Everything just blew up, and chaos ensued. And I realized God knew exactly what I needed before I even knew it!! I so need to get away and spend some time with Derek where I can re-group and repair from all the damage from this past week. I am amazed how God takes care of us, even when we have no clue.

Almost over

Well we are almost done with this chaotic situation. Jeremy will be boarding his plane in a few hours, and I am looking forward to the relief that will follow. He has calmed down and apologized, but unfortunatley he still thinks that what he did was right, just that he apologized for the way things turned out. He doesnt see what could have happened, and doesnt see the hurt he caused me. He thinks we can all go back to the way it was and be happy for him until he goes. But that can not be. I look at him and see him as a threat to my family, he broke my complete trust in him. What if I was to say or do something that would upset him again, would he do more than just threats? We showed him the right path, and for awhile he was heading onto that path, but he saw the life he was missing over on the wrong path, and ran back to it, and tried pulling my kids with him. I cant risk my childrens future because of his lies and manipulations, so he is packed and ready to go. I cant believe that all this happened so quickly, but I am thankful to be getting my family back in order again. We have all been agitated and tense this past week, so I think we will all feel relieved when this is over. We did what God called us to do, but in the end it is ultimately Jeremy's decision if he will follow God's path.
I cant begin to thank everyone for their kind words to me this past week. I was so saddened and so hurt, and doubted who I was, but God and my friends showed me the truth. I know who I am, and what I have done, and I dont need some spoiled brat to tell me otherwise. :)

What a day!!

What a day I had yesterday. I wont go into all the details, but I will say that we are sending Jeremy back to Washington as soon as we can. We had a falling out on Monday night because of something he said to my daughter that made me very mad. I had to go to a church meeting, and I didnt get back until late. Well the next morning I found out a lot of things that were said after I left. Such as I abuse my children, threats to call CPS. Those sort of things. I picked up Jeremy from school and told him not to threaten me or my family again, and I told him I want him out. Now in case you are wondering if I hit him or something , no I didnt, and even if I wanted to I couldnt!! So it comes down to him being mad at me and wanting to hit me where it would hurt the most. Yesterday Derek talked to him on the phone, and once I talked to Derek again, Derek was worried enough to tell me he needs to leave the house immediatly for our family's safety. So as it stands right now he is staying at his friend's house because " I am too scared to come back." He took off his mask and I saw him for what he was, and what he would be capable of doing if we stood in his way of getting what he wanted. It is a relief though, he brings stress constantly to us, and we are constantly trying to pull him in the right direction, it gets tiring. In fact the girls told me that they were glad he was going back. So please pray for us the next couple of days, that we would all stay calm and things wouldnt get more out of hand. And also for my family in Washington who is about to get this boy back!! I feel most sorry for them.

Our hero!!

We found out awhile back why Derek doesn't have to go back to Iraq this year, of why he was suddenly pulled off the roster. Derek's chief came up to him and told him that he was so upset when he saw how Matthias reacted when Derek left; Matthias was crying and screaming for his dad, that the chief told Derek that he would never want to have Matthias go through that again, that he immediatly pulled Derek off the roster. In fact, after the guys left, the chief went home and cried because of Matthias!!
So Matthias has been bumped up to our favorite child. hee-hee.......

2009 Predictions

Top Ten Predictions For 2009

1. The Bible will still have all the answers.

2. Prayer will still work.

3. The Holy Spirit will still move.

4. God will still inhabit the praises of His people.

5. There will still be God-anointed preaching.

6. There will still be singing of praise to God.

7. God will still pour out blessings upon His people.

8. There will still be room at the Cross.

9. Jesus will still love you.

10. Jesus will still save the lost.

God whispers in your soul and speaks to your mind. Sometimes when you
don't have time to listen, He has to throw a brick at you.

It's your choice:

Listen to the whisper, or wait for the brick.

~~unknown