taking leave

Derek has been trying to take a two week vacation for when he gets back from Virginia, but for some reason he keeps getting denied. He put in his leave papers back in January, but was turned down, for no real explanation, and then a week later he was sent an email telling him that he should turn in his leave papers, but it would have to be in the time frame of when he was in Virginia!! Which of course was really annoying. So last month he was told he could try for leave again, now that he was taken off the Iraq roster. I took his papers down to the office, and handed it to the guy that is supposed to do all the paperwork, well it turns out he never gave it to the commanding officer to sign!! So I had to go down a couple days ago and deliver it personally to the person that was supposed to sign it. We were figuring it would be all settled and Derek could start his vacation on Monday. Derek was emailed yesterday that he had to take a "suicide prevention" class before they would allow leave, in fact were pulling some guys off their leave to take this class!! As if a few hours in a room full of other soldiers, would really prevent someone from committing suicide, and the fact that they are missing time with their loved ones to take the silly class, I think would only agitate them more!! So as it stands right now, maybe leave. Nice huh? We cant make any plans or anything because we have no clue if Derek will be off or not. You got to love government beuracracy at work.

A must read

My mother-in-law told me I should read this book called "The Shack". I was surprised she was so adamant for me to read it, but I said I would, and ultimately ordered it. Once i got it though I kind of put it off, and only read a little bit here and there. I finally told my mother-in-law I would read it this weekend. When I got home from church yesterday I decided I would lay down and read it. As I was reading it I cried and cried and cried. It was as if God was talking to my soul. I have never experienced anything like that before, it is the only time I have ever had something touch me so deeply. I dont know how to describe it via a blog, but I say everyone has to read this book.
I have loved God my whole life, I strive to be more like Christ daily, and daily I feel like a horrible failure. I have felt like i have been carrying all these burdens and respondsibilities with me, and I was too afraid to let go in fear of disappointing God. I had so many perceptions of what i was supposed to be doing or to be like, that I was missing out on so much of life. Derek would tell me constantly to relax, I took medicine to help me relax, but ultimately I was never relaxed, I always felt like I should do more, or something different. After last night I have come to see things clearly. I understand that God is proud of me, he accepts me for me, he already knows every failure and mistake I will make and loves me, so why should I try to be something else, when he loves me perfectly now?
God showed me last night what the heavy sadness I have carried since i was a small child. People have always said to me " I dont know how you took care of your brother, and went through all that. " And honestly I never knew what they were talking about, I chalked it up to it just being my life, and nothing was abnormal about it. but since I was a small child, I have carried that heavy sadness with me, which I have never let go. Last night I was able to let some of that go, I still have a ways yet, but I see now what others saw so clearly.
The only reason I am pouring my soul out right now, is to help others out. I think a lot of people struggle through alot of things similiar to me, and we are taught to hide these things, put on a happy face, and move on. I dont want that. I have always been open about things, but I was so blind!!
Anyone wanting a copy of that book, please tell me, I will send you a copy. Honest!!

Don't understand

One thing I dont understand about schools lately is that they actually have school days that say "Non-student day". So kids dont have school for that day!! How can you have a non-student day? Isnt school about students?!! I find this very irritating. I am sure they have a reason for these days, but I honestly can't say I ever had a "non-student" day. Of course now I sound like an old person with the "back in my day..." It is only the matter of time before I start those stories with my kids. I think it is in the parent handbook or something.

Change of heart

As stated earlier, I enjoy watching all the shows about families with big families. For a couple of reasons, I relate to alot of what they have going on with them, and I can sometimes come up with good ideas, or I feel really depressed that I could never measure up. I have always been against the thought of people filming our family, and the horror of actually people watching our life. I mean we have a great life, but would I want the whole world to see my melt downs? My unclean house? My children having tantrums? I think not. Well a few weeks ago I turned into the new episode of "John and Kate plus 8". They were moving into their new house, which was HUGE!!! They must be making alot of money from their show which would allow them to move to such a place, and I being a little jealous, thought "why cant we get that?" I am not asking for much mind you, I dont need a huge house, maybe a house on the beach would be okay, and honestly I would just settle to be debt free right about now. But then I think on the other side, would I really want my family to be exploited like that? Would I feel good knowing where this money was coming from? And I must say, I am quite happy with quiet exsistence, we dont need national fame to be happy. Besides I enjoy watching them far more then I would enjoy watching myself.