Mushiness

I have control issues..... there I said it. Anyone that has been around me for awhile has heard me say those words, even my kids understand. I am getting A LOT better, but there are still some areas where I think my hands should be there fixing and maneuvering the situation, and only when I have completely got myself tangled up in a mess; do I step back to ask God for help.
This happened to me many years ago when I was about 21 years old. I had managed to get myself into a relationship that I knew deep down I wasn't supposed to be in, but instead of getting out, I figured I could make it work and fix it. The more it went on, the more I wanted out. Thankfully God gave me a perfect path to cut the strings to that relationship with little regret....two months before the wedding day.......
At that moment I knew I couldn't keep taking charge of things, and I had to let God take control. I got on my knees and prayed for God to take over of my life. I was already a Christian mind you, I had just gotten to the point where I thought I could fix and control things on my own. That very day God opened my eyes fully to my feelings towards Derek. I knew when I opened my door that night, he was the one that God had chosen for me.
Fast forward through time.......and today we celebrate our 12 year Anniversary. I am so thankful for God taking control and giving me a man that loves me completely and faithfully. Who makes me feel secure and safe even when we have to spend yet another Anniversary apart. I am thankful that God has blessed us with 7 children!! How amazing is that?!!
One of the best things that we have done as a couple has been to give our children a loving marriage to look at. I mean, we truly love each other! What you see when you meet us, is honestly what we are like most of the time. Don't get me wrong, our marriage is not perfect- we are not perfect, but we have found a few things that help us in our everyday marriage.
1. Divorce is not an option, we never use the "D" word. Since we know that God brought us together, we would be going directly against God's plan, and we know that is not somewhere we want to be.
2. Forever faithful. We do not worry about each others faithfulness while we are apart, we both have vowed to never even attempt to go down that road. Looking at our children, and knowing the devastation that would leave behind has helped us to stay forever faithful.
3. Promises are promises. Whenever we utter the words "I promise", we know those are sacred words. We never say those words unless we mean them.
4. Laughter is important. Spend 5 minutes with us and you will most likely see us laugh. My husband is hilarious. Laughter can get you through most anything.
5. Money isn't everything. "How do you have money to raise 7 children?" We do because God has given us 7 children so we know he will take care of us. This is a big control area for me!! Hardest area for me to let God in.

I am thankful for my husband who does not suffer from control issues, and happily allows me to wield my imaginary control over things. Even if he does take great joy in taking over now and again and watch me panic. ha!

Happy Anniversary Derek Jason!! I am so glad you have tolerated me after all these years. hahahaha!

Green Acres Is the Place To Be!

We have been living in Missouri now for almost a year and a half. I must say, I actually really like it here! Many people over the years would ask "Do you want to be stationed in Fort Leonard Wood?" My response was always "No way!". I am not sure why I had such a negative opinion of this area, I guess I believed we would be in the middle of hicksville, with little means to entertain ourselves for very long. Now I admit, the town I live in is rather small, the only main store is Walmart (which I have a love/hate relationship with), and few other places to really shop. I have discovered this has actually been a good thing, I can no longer go out and mindlessly spend money on frivolous things just because I want to escape from the house.
 When we did not receive our rent money from our house in Washington for over a year, I had to find creative ways to save some money. One was to make my own laundry soap. I also made my own dishwasher detergent. The laundry soap actually turned out quite well, but the dish washing soap, not so much. But it was fun to at least try! I have now bought cloth napkins to help with reducing waste and money. They are a lot nicer to use anyways, and cute! I have started using cloth hand wipes for when the kids wash their hands, instead of that one hand towel that get drenched in water and yuckiness throughout the day. I still buy paper towels though, because there are some messes I just want to toss in the garbage.
I have discovered different ways to buy my food. I now receive eggs from a local lady in a nearby town who raises her own chickens. Best eggs ever! I now buy most of my produce from organic boxes that come every week. What a difference! One of my favorite things has been buying a quarter cow from a nearby Mennonite family. Delicious! I even bought my first gallon of raw milk from a local Amish family. I now make much of my own bread in my new bread maker. I am still intimidated to do it all on my own yet. :) My last experiment was making my own ketchup, it was easy and super yummy.
I am proud of my changes I have made over this time period, it has been a great growing experience and a great way to start depending on my own solutions instead of items off a super market shelf.  Although there are still a few items I will never give up.... store bought toilet paper and store bought feminine products, I am not THAT country! :)